Monday, February 8, 2010

The Bible: A New Translation

This is an ongoing project: translating the Bible into Japanese and back into English using my favorite online translator.

The point? Well, I figure there are prophecies hidden in these words that predict everything that happened, ever. It's just a matter of finding the code. So, as one must do when extracting hidden meaning from the Bible, I started making up stuff and believing it. I believe that God gave us prophecies in his Words that can only be unlocked by translating the Bible into Japanese and back with the internet He knew would be invented.

Here are the first ten verses from Genesis.

1: God drew up the heaven and the earth with beginning. 2: And the earth to die form and the space; And the darkness was on the surface being deep. And mind of God moved to the surface of the water. 3: And when it is the light/write, you said there, allotted God: And there was a light/write. 4: And as for God the light/write, with that it is good you saw: And God divided the light/write from the darkness. 5: And God him Night called the darkness and light day which telephoned. And evening and morning were first day. 6: And you called God, on midst of the sky water, in order to divide the water from the water, does to do that allots there.
7: And God made the sky, divided the water which is under the sky from the water which is on the sky: And so it was that. 8: And God called the heaven of the sky. And evening and morning were 2nd day. 9: And you called God, the water under the heaven that tried it gets together in one place and the land which is dried it appears that you tried: And so it was that.
10: And God called the earth of the land which is dried; And as for collection of the water him the sea you telephoned together: And God looked at that is good.

Well, look at that. The Bible predicted the telephone! Also, the words "light/write" obviously refers to "Lite Brite," a toy that wasn't invented until 1967.

Pictured: a message from God using technology predicted in the Bible.

And the Bible knew that water was under the sky, as well as on the sky, which science still can't explain!

I will continue this research until it leads me to the conclusion I completely expect.

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I am the Ken doll you left outside in 1983. I have been living on cat food and squirrels, coming out mostly at night, unable to wash or even change my clothes because they are permanently sewn on. I ask you, would a merciful God allow this? I just wish I could wipe this stupid grin off my idiot face.