Tongue Of The Dumb

Finding Jack Chick In My Closet

2011-03-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

Friends, providence has smiled on me this week.

While cleaning out my closet yesterday, I ran across a page torn from one of Jack Chick's old tracts, handed to me by a stranger on a college campus back in 1984.

I would have dropped to my knees right there to pray if a closet was in any way appropriate for prayer. I don't have to look it up to know Jesus would never sanction such a thing! Anyway, as I said, I was overjoyed. Why? Because he was warning us about gay marriage, all the way back in 1984!

So I immediately ~~came out of the closet~~ went back out to my study to pray. Because I knew it to be a sign from God--a sign that our world is again in mortal danger, and He again has us squarely in His sight.

Back in 1984, I thought the world would end soon. I publicly predicted the End of Days were upon us. Well, I certainly learned my lesson! Now, I know the Truth--it will happen next year. Unless we change our ways, and fast. Remember those hurricanes and earthquakes that rocked the world in recent years? God is preparing more! We must not only repent our own sins, we must cast the sinful from our midst. Only if we clean our own house, and not just the closet, will we be spared.

It's like President ~~Batman~~ Bush said, we have to rid the world of evil-doers. And we must start with those fornicating abominations, the so-called "Gays."

By flaunting their disregard for everything that is good and holy, they are bringing Divine Punishment upon us all. Because God sees all, and knows every thought of every person, He knows who the guilty are! He knows who to blame, He knows who is innocent! And He doesn't care! He'll kill us all!

We cannot let gay marriage become a reality. It will destroy the institution of marriage for all of us. They would like us to believe that what they do is normal and natural--but who are we to decide what is normal?

Just imagine what those homosexuals are doing in their bedrooms! Just imagine it! Picture it in your mind! Caressing each other, tenderly stroking one another with their long, supple fingers! The soft, smooth curves of their young bodies entwined as they become one! Rippling waves of muscles dancing across their nubile forms as they grapple passionately! I tell you, it’s unthinkable what they do.

Unless Jack Chick has steered me wrong, or is exaggerating in some way, this gay marriage thing absolutely spells the end of civilization, just like it always has. God will have his revenge! For He is a jealous God, He says so Himself! And He reminds you numerous times! And He is always prepared to wipe out mankind to prove a point.

So get straight with our loving God! Or He'll fucking kill you!

Creation Science Fair: Suggested Projects

2011-02-15T21:31:00.000-08:00

The Twin Cities Creation Science Assocation recently held their annual Home School Science Fair in Roseville, Minnesota. This is a great idea, and I would like to help out our budding young creation scientists with a few ideas for projects for next year's fair.

Biblical Ant Farm: The ant farm is always a winner, in any science fair. People just love to watch our little four-legged friends bustling about in their underground lair.

Vengeful Volcano: Another science fair staple, the creationist version would be responsive to commands of its creator, i.e. you. At your command, this wonderful project would belch ersatz "lava" all over the fair's judges, spectators and participants in retaliation for horrible things they did in the past that you can specify later. If necessary, distant ancestors of your victims can be blamed.

Display Showing The Gaps In The Fossil Record: Since nothing is in the gaps, proving evolution wrong, your display will contain nothing. A brilliant riposte to the Darwinists! You will be hailed as a genius! Note: this would be an especially good last-minute project.

Experiment Proving The Effectiveness of Prayer: Set up an experiment in which you flip a coin 1000 times while praying with all your might that it turns up "heads." If it turns up "heads" more often than "tails," this is strong evidence that your prayer worked. If any other result occurs, this is strong evidence that your prayer worked.

Irreducible Complexity: Take a really complicated piece of machinery and break off an important part. Note that it doesn't work anymore. Pull the head off a bug. Note the similar result. Option: wave hands in the air while speaking.

The Watchmaker: Show the difference between design and nature by displaying, side by side, an expensive Swiss watch and a rock. Invite passersby to try to tell the difference and note how many are able to. This will prove that nature is not like design, which more closely resembles what we find in nature.

Experiment Showing The Validity of Internal Revelation: What you are trying to show here is that receiving wisdom in the form of personal, internal revelation is a perfectly valid way of learning about the universe. Ask volunteers to pick a number between one and one thousand. Then, run away.

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More Bible-Based Theme Parks? Yes!

2011-01-25T13:38:00.000-08:00

Now that the "Ark Park," the in-the-planning-stages theme park based on Noah's Ark, is on sound financial footing (the state of Kentucky having plans to invest taxpayer money), it's time to consider other possible theme parks based on the Bible.

The Ten Commandments Museum. This could be located in another conservative state like Nebraska, which could presumably use even more tourist dollars than they get now. Although there are no mountains in Nebraska for Moses to come down from, I have to figure that if you can build Noah's Ark in a landlocked state like Kentucky, lack of a mountain in Nebraska should not present a problem. Possibly a Mt. Sinai replica could be constructed from landfill.

This museum would feature all the actual historical artifacts from the delivery of the Commandments. And for the considerable amount of leftover space, I would suggest the following: a grand display featuring the earthly remains of Charlton Heston. As a special fun feature, the body could be holding a gun, and visitors would be invited to try to pry it from his cold, dead fingers.

The Rapture Coaster. This would be a roller coaster-type ride with one extremely steep drop. The exceptionally steep drop would be necessary to give the riders that euphoric feeling of weightlessness one presumably gets while being hauled bodily up into Heaven.

At the peak of the ride, just before the weightlessness sets in, trumpets would sound and the riders' clothes would either be sucked off or perhaps flash-incinerated off their bodies. A holographic image of the face of Jesus would float tantalizingly in front of each rider, and, for added realism, the sounds of wailing by those family members left behind could be piped in.

Special purple jumpsuits would be available to replace clothes at the end of the ride.

Garden of Eden Wildlife Refuge. This would be a large, open natural area with all wildlife living in peace and harmony as they did before The Fall. Children could learn about the disobedience of Adam and Eve while not being eaten by large carnivores. All around the park, rabbits would happily chew their cud, bats would lay their eggs in their tree-top nests, and four-legged insects would abound.

In the center of the park would stand a large fruit tree; this, of course, would be the Tree of Knowledge. A giant mechanical God would warn all visitors that to eat from this will surely cause death, while a talking snake informs them that this is not true, and the only result from eating the fruit will be having knowledge of good and evil. Of course, actually poisoning the fruit would possibly create liability issues, so the exhibit might be seen to make a liar out of God if anyone actually eats the fruit; the lack of toxicity will then have to be explained away here much like we do with the actual Bible story.

Tower of Babel Activity Park. Visitors will attempt to build towers using bronze-age materials and techniques. As a special challenge, when the tower reaches high enough to approach Heaven and make God nervous, the visitors will don special translation devices that garble their speech, rendering them unable to finish the tower.

This park will need to be built in a very flat region like Iowa or North Dakota; if there are visible hillside homes higher than bronze-age construction can reach, it might cause the participants to feel silly.

Flood World. This would be a special adjunct to the Noah's Ark replica in Kentucky. Since only direct relatives of Noah (and two, or maybe seven, or fourteen, of each "kind" of animal) were allowed to board the ark, "Flood World" would commemorate the experiences of the great majority of lifeforms on earth at the time. While eight visitors are ushered onto the ark, the rest of the crowd could be drowned in a nearby waiting area. As an option, perhaps to avoid those pesky wrongful death lawsuits again, the crowd would not in reality be drowned but merely waterboarded.

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Ten Irrefutable Objections To Evolution

2010-08-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

1. If humans evolved from monkeys, and monkeys evolved from other monkeys, why is there stuff that isn't monkeys?

2. If evolution was real, there would be crocoducks. And catdogs. Have you ever seen those? Have you ever seen a horse fly? Or a barn dance? I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, science cannot explain.

3. Evolution violates the second law of thermodynamics, which states that complicated stuff is so improbable, if the universe lived forever there would only be eight.

4. Evolution doesn't explain why there is something rather than nothing. Heck, it doesn't even try. Some theory.

5. If you found a watch in the woods, you would assume it was the product of intelligent design because of the way the parts are all matched together for a central purpose. So it is with life; if you find an insect in the woods, should you just assume that it hatched from eggs laid by a parent, developed in stages with some individual variation, and requires food to fuel chemical reactions, and will eventually lay eggs of its own? No, of course you shouldn't. That would be silly. It would be obvious that the insect, like the watch, was designed and placed there by a being more intelligent than you or me.

6. Hitler.

7. If evolution was real, it's obvious that my vacuum-sealed jar of pasteurized peanut butter would be teeming with new life forms within a few days, followed by intelligent catdogs eating my face every time I tried to make a sandwich. And thus my lunch disproves evolution.

8. Hitler!

9. Evolution is like a tornado blowing through a junkyard and somehow producing a working 747 airplane, because heredity and natural selection are completely random and have only minutes to work before the weather changes. Also, everyone knows that tornadoes prefer trailer parks to junkyards. So, if evolution was true, trailer parks would have airports!

10. Evolution is just a theory. Contrast this with Biblical creation, a powerful narrative set in a magic garden with talking animals and an angry giant. Why shouldn't this be taught in our science classes? At least no one would be bringing up Hitler all the time.

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Jesus Had Me Put To Sleep

2010-08-22T17:27:00.000-07:00

This guy...this is the guy.

I swear, this is the analogy (or is it a metaphor?) that I've been looking for ever since Jesus brought me home from the pound. I exist only to serve him, fetch his sandals, and, on occaision, beg for my food.

He never hits me in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper anymore, and hardly ever uses the choke collar. But I must be broken, because he says he's taking me to the vet to get fixed. Still, he is my master and...what's that? You want me to go for a ride?

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For God So Loved The World, part one

2010-05-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 23:12

“You shall have a place outside the camp and you shall go out to it; and you shall have a stick with your weapons; and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it, and turn back, and cover up your excrement. Because the LORD your God walks in the midst of your camp, to save you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, that he may not see anything indecent among you, and turn away from you.”

This is a wonderful, enlightening verse containing, as it does, detailed instructions for proper hygiene with a clear explanation for the reasons behind it. Simply put, God does not want to step in your shit.

Of course, it goes without saying that you should wash your hands afterward. Everybody knows that, right?

"Thou hast befouled my new shoes!"

Rapture Update, 3/10/10

2010-03-10T14:43:00.000-08:00

Well, no Rapture this week, evidently. But soon, I’m sure!

After all, Jesus said so:

"Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled." --Matthew 24:34

Which tells me that it must happen very soon. After all, that generation is about 2000 years old now, and they’re not getting any younger. Some have even retired.

So have faith, Brothers and Sisters! The Kingdom of Heaven is still at hand! Above all, do not let doubt creep into your lives. Doubt leads to questions! And questions lead to thinking! And thinking leads to...more thinking! And thinking will not get you into Heaven!

Do these people look like they're thinking?

The Power Of Prayer

2010-03-05T15:19:00.000-08:00

Matthew 21:22

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

*Results not typical.

Why God Caused The Earthquake In Chile

2010-03-01T16:12:00.000-08:00

As we know, earthquakes and other natural disasters are caused by God. He causes these tragedies, which wreak havoc and kill many people, when He is offended by the actions of the remote ancestors of those people he kills. There are many incidents of this type in the Bible; His power, wisdom, and absolute goodness enables Him to punish children for the sins of their parents and balance the scales of justice even centuries after those who angered Him are dead.

I must say I was at first befuddled when I heard that an earthquake had struck Chile last week. The quake in Haiti had obvious justification; about 200 years ago leaders of the Haitian slave revolt against France entered into a pact with the Devil, exchanging the souls of distant descendants for freedom from French rule. The voodoo rituals then and the rituals that continue today in that primitive land must anger God greatly; though remaining angry for 200 years is not a problem for God, the severity of the earthquake showed the depth of His wrath clearly to everyone who truly knows God.

But the modern country of Chile remains roughly 70 per cent Roman Catholic, which means only those voodoo rituals approved by God are practiced. Is there something else?

According to Wikipedia, Chile was settled about 12,000 years ago by migrating native Americans. This must have been the first action that angered God; since He only created the universe 6,000 years ago, He had not yet given permission to enter the land. These early settlers were obviously mocking the Creator by existing before creation, clearly defying the Holy Scripture that was eventually written.

Chile also abolished slavery in 1823, long before the rest of the Americas. Slavery is an institution granted and sanctioned by God in Old Testament law; it is not for mortal man to change those laws. The arrogance shown by those who would abolish slavery is staggering; surely, they must have been mad with power to assume such God-like control over other men's lives.

So, the earthquake is clearly a punishment, a balancing of the scales of justice, although it still remains to be seen if the death toll will be high enough. We can only hope and pray.

Next Week: Why God Did Whatever Horrible Thing Happens This Week.

More Bible Verses For Tim Tebow

2010-03-01T14:20:00.000-08:00

Ex. 17:10-13

“10 So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek; and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 11 Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed; and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. 12 But Moses’ hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat upon it, and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. 13 And Joshua mowed down Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.”

Obviously, this verse could potentially have great meaning to a competitive athlete like Tim. It is especially relevant to an athlete like Tim who is about to move to a level of competition for which he is ill-suited. Yes, it’s true that Tim’s throwing style has problems; he brings the ball too low before throwing it and the result is a long wind-up that will give defenders more time to react. And given the size and speed of professional defensive players, and the fact that Tim runs like molasses, further limits his value to an NFL team.

But Tim’s intangibles, his leadership abilities and inspirational personality, have always been the main attraction. If he is not going to be out on the field, he could be trained and developed to be the guy who stands on the sideline holding up his hands like Moses and help his team prevail that way. And if he is not ready to take on that role right away, he could be one of the guys who stands on the sideline holding up the hands of the guy who holds up his hands.

This is worth at least a second-round draft pick, right?

Rapture Update, 2/21/10

2010-02-21T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sadly, another week has passed and I and my fellow believers have not yet been pulled up into the sky and taken bodily into outer space without oxygen. But have faith! Rejoice, for the end is near! We shall not be unrewarded for our devotion, nor our enemies long remain unsmote!

"Wait! I think I left the oven on!"

More Bible Verses For Tim Tebow

2010-02-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

Deut. 23:1:

“He whose testicles are crushed or whose male member is cut off shall not enter the assembly of the LORD.”

This is a verse whose meaning has been much discussed among Theologians. There have also been many widely circulated misconceptions, but the most widely accepted modern interpretation of the original Scripture is this: Tim is allowed to play football, but he has to wear a cup.

Here’s Why: Jesus In Sports

2010-02-18T17:25:00.001-08:00

As we well know, Jesus takes great interest in sporting events (we know this by the number of athletes who thank him for their success) and often determines the winners and losers. This series will attempt to determine which of Jesus’ miraculous abilities he uses to influence these events, based on the events documented in the New Testament.

How Jesus Causes Fumbles

There are at least two possibilities here, based on what we know: Jesus had the ability to defy gravity, based on his ascent into heaven after the resurrection. It’s possible that this was the same ability he used when he walked on water, although it’s also possible that he increased the surface tension of that water to prevent sinking, and walked on the water like bugs do. This ability, granted by God, would be given to another person or an object (thus explaining how Noah’s Ark could fit two of every animal on board a single ship; most of the creatures simply walked alongside the ark). This particular magic is also how Jesus rolled the stone away that sealed his tomb.

So I imagine one good way to cause a fumble would be to cause the ball to suddenly become weightless and fly out of the ball-carrier’s hands, at which point it becomes subject to gravity again and hits the ground.

Jesus also had the ability to change objects into loaves of bread. Not even the most seasoned professional athlete could hold onto a ball when it changes into a loaf of bread and back again.

It would not show up on replay because cameras are the imperfect creations of man; also, interventions by Jesus are by definition Judgment calls, and any NFL fan can tell you that those are not subject to replay.

Next week: Why Jesus hated Joe Theismann.

John Frum Day? That’s Just Silly

2010-02-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is February 15, known as “John Frum Day” to the natives of Tanna Island in the Republic of Vanuatu in the South Pacific. A primitive tribal society, one of the last remaining “cargo cults,” these people are desperately in need of some good Christian missionary work.

Apparently, sometime in the 1930’s one of the natives was granted a vision of an American named John Frum, who lives in a volcano on the island and promised a future of wealth and prosperity. Then, during World War II, the island was set upon by American soldiers, who built airstrips, marched around with guns and brought food and other items down from the sky.

To this day, many of these natives await the promised return of John Frum and the coming Age of Abundance. And on February 15, these primitives paint “USA” on their chests, march around with bamboo “rifles,” build airstrips and bamboo towers, and attempt to communicate with their gods through coconut shell “headsets.”

Just imagine: a whole society built around the worship of an imaginary person hiding in an inaccessible place, promising to return at some uncertain future date and bring otherworldly wealth and happiness, all started by a magical “vision” and spurred on by superstitious misinterpretations of perfectly explainable events. And pretending to communicate with supernatural beings while wearing ridiculous stuff on their heads!

Next thing you know, they’ll be practicing some sort of symbolic cannibalism or treating old bits of cloth as sacred relics.

Rapture Update, 2/13/10

2010-02-13T13:28:00.000-08:00

There are no new Rapture updates at this time. Check back later.

More Bible Verses For Tim Tebow

2010-02-11T15:34:00.000-08:00

Deut. 21:10-12:
“When you go forth to war against your enemies, and the LORD your God gives them into your hands, and you take them captive, and see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you have desire for her and would take her for yourself as wife, then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and pare her nails.”

As we know, morality is absolute and comes from God. And I think God would recommend the Lady Remington, as blood sacrifice is not indicated here.

(This will be a regular feature of Tongue Of The Dumb. These are real verses from the Bible, Revised Standard Version, Second Edition. Tim Tebow, as you may know, is a devout young man who writes references to Bible verses on the eyeblack stickers he wears during football games. He is now moving on from college to the National Football League, which means he will rarely play and therefore not be seen often enough to continue spreading the Good Word so widely. I intend to help out by referring my readers to my favorite Bible verses. )

Grandpa's Not Dead, We Gave Him To A Nice Farm Family

2010-02-10T15:14:00.001-08:00

When I was nine years old, my paternal Grandfather died. At first I was very sad, but all my adult relatives explained that I didn't need to be, because Grandpa was now in a better place and was happy and content.

"We know you loved him very much, but he couldn't stay here any more," they assured me. "He needed to be somewhere where he can run and jump and play fetch, and he couldn't do that here. So we gave him to a nice family that lives on a farm, and now he's healthy and happy and doesn't have those coughing fits like he had here.

"Someday we'll go visit him there, but not for a long time. It's really hard to get to this farm, and you can't see it from the road, so we can't show it to you. Ever. But it's a wonderful place. And all his friends are there, and even his mommy and daddy are there. And they all run around chasing rabbits all day, having fun, and nothing ever hurts. Because the farmer is really kind to them, feeds them well, pets them every day, and loves them very much."

Grandma isn't there, though, she still lives with us. But I still wonder why her markings changed while I was away at summer camp.

Make This Woman President Now!

2010-02-08T23:57:00.000-08:00

A recent quote from Sarah Palin:
"I think, kind of tougher to, um, put our arms around, but allowing America's spirit to rise again by not being afraid to kind of go back to some of our roots as a God fearing nation where we're not afraid to say, especially in times of potential trouble in the future here, where we're not afraid to say, you know, we don't have all the answers as fallible men and women so it would be wise of us to start seeking some divine intervention again in this country, so that we can be safe and secure and prosperous again. To have people involved in government who aren't afraid to go that route, not so afraid of the political correctness that you know -- they have to be afraid of what the media said about them if they were to proclaim their reliance on our creator."

What can I add to that? She is so right. If we pray hard enough, God will answer all, just like He did when He wiped out the Indians with those horrible diseases, clearing the way for us real Americans to live here. Just like He did when He sent us those wonderful slaves from Africa to pick our cotton and shine our shoes and stuff, and later, play basketball. Just like He did when He showed us how to make atomic bombs. Just like He did when He drowned New Orleans.

God is waiting to help us. God loves us very much, which is why we must fear Him. Only when we are afraid enough will we be safe and secure and prosperous.

What we need are politicians who are not afraid to proclaim themselves Christians! Just imagine an America with a Christian president for once!

Because we are so fallible, we must place our trust in an invisible scary man in the sky who loves us and grants us wishes sometimes. That, truly, would be wise leadership for a great nation with a great history and lots of nuclear weapons.

The Bible: A New Translation

2010-02-08T22:46:00.000-08:00

This is an ongoing project: translating the Bible into Japanese and back into English using my favorite online translator.

The point? Well, I figure there are prophecies hidden in these words that predict everything that happened, ever. It's just a matter of finding the code. So, as one must do when extracting hidden meaning from the Bible, I started making up stuff and believing it. I believe that God gave us prophecies in his Words that can only be unlocked by translating the Bible into Japanese and back with the internet He knew would be invented.

Here are the first ten verses from Genesis.

1: God drew up the heaven and the earth with beginning. 2: And the earth to die form and the space; And the darkness was on the surface being deep. And mind of God moved to the surface of the water. 3: And when it is the light/write, you said there, allotted God: And there was a light/write. 4: And as for God the light/write, with that it is good you saw: And God divided the light/write from the darkness. 5: And God him Night called the darkness and light day which telephoned. And evening and morning were first day. 6: And you called God, on midst of the sky water, in order to divide the water from the water, does to do that allots there.
7: And God made the sky, divided the water which is under the sky from the water which is on the sky: And so it was that. 8: And God called the heaven of the sky. And evening and morning were 2nd day. 9: And you called God, the water under the heaven that tried it gets together in one place and the land which is dried it appears that you tried: And so it was that.
10: And God called the earth of the land which is dried; And as for collection of the water him the sea you telephoned together: And God looked at that is good.

Well, look at that. The Bible predicted the telephone! Also, the words "light/write" obviously refers to "Lite Brite," a toy that wasn't invented until 1967.

Pictured: a message from God using technology predicted in the Bible.

And the Bible knew that water was under the sky, as well as on the sky, which science still can't explain!

I will continue this research until it leads me to the conclusion I completely expect.

More Bible Verses For Tim Tebow

2010-02-07T19:29:00.001-08:00

This will be a regular feature of Tongue Of The Dumb. These are real verses from the Bible, Revised Standard Version, Second Edition. Tim Tebow, as you may know, is a devout young man who writes references to Bible verses on the eyeblack stickers he wears during football games. He is now moving on from college to the National Football League, which means he will rarely play and therefore not be seen as often. I will thus help him spread the word, beginning with this entry regarding the male discharge.

“The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, ‘Say to the people of Israel, When any man has a discharge from his body, his discharge is unclean. And this is the law of his uncleanness for a discharge; whether his body runs with his discharge, or his body is stopped from discharge, it is uncleanness in him. Every bed on which he who has the discharge lies shall be unclean; and everything on which he sits shall be unclean.’”

I know Tim is a virgin and proud of it. I am also proud that Tim is a virgin. For some reason. And we are proud of how humble we are, and freely admit that we are virgins, except for me.

I wanted to publicize this verse to emphasize how disgusting sex is, especially the "discharge" part, which gets all over.

Jesus & His Dinosaur Buddies

2010-02-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

Celebrating 10,000 views on Saturday, Feb. 6, 2010.

And a year later, over 34,000 views.

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Sorry About Those Dishes, God

2010-02-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

So why am I starting another blog?
Because God told me to. I know, some would say that there is no God, and that I am only writing this blog because I lack the ability to think for myself and seek the comfort of superstitious dogma.

So let's get started!

First of all, as you might have guessed, the title of this blog is from the Bible, specifically Isaiah 35:4-6, which reads:

"Say to those who are of a fearful heart,
Be strong, fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God,
He will come and save you.

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
then shall the lame man leap like a hart,
and the tongue of the dumb sing for joy."

I hear the tongue of the dumb singing every day. I am proud to add my voice to the choir. The dumb choir. Yes, we is dumb and we am proud!

I promise there will be more, lots more, where this came from. I'm rushing this post a little because it's Super Sunday, and I need to remember that and keep this day holy. I know I'm not supposed to do any work today and I therefore imperiled my immortal soul when I washed those dishes. For punishment, I will allow myself to be stoned.

Ah, that's better.